Thursday, April 19, 2007

Hello again!

You know.... I got to thinking yesterday that it's been forever since I made an entry here and it just so happens that my parenting message board posted a topic about blogs: who has them and who reads them. It was another vivid reminder that I hadn't visited here in a long time.

The weightloss journey??? Eh! I haven't been hitting it as hard as I should. Actually, I've been very blahzey (sp?) about it to be honest. The best I can say is that I've been mindful of what and when I'm eating. That's it! Mindful. Meaning, I've thought about how bad it is that I'm pigging out on ice cream at 10:00 at night and I've thought about how outrageous my portions have been at meal time. I know it's bad, but for whatever reason, when I'm in the act of eating, I don't really care. I've lost my motivation I guess. I still want to lose weight, but I want the magic weight loss wand that I can wave and lose 100 lbs. on the spot. I know. Such a thing doesn't exist, but I sure do wish it did.

My ADD doesn't help matters. A friend of mine has helped me see that, that is a big part of my problem. Life happens and when it does, I get distracted and off track and it's so hard to pull myself back in. I know I need to get over that and learn some strategies to overcome that, but how do you do that? How do you break habits that have been a part of your life for years?? They're more than habits now. They're more like a part of me, part of who I am. Not bragging...actually I'm quite ashamed of it....but it's the cold truth. I'm going to have to figure it out though, because I am still just as serious now as I was at the first entry of this blog, that I DO want to lose all this weight!!! I'm just not sure how or IF I can. I guess as the theme of this blog has always been......One day at a time.

I'm thinking if I can get back on the right track with God, that would definitely help. Yes, I've gotten off the narrow path. I've done some things that I'm not proud of. I've quit going to church on a regular basis and I've quit praying. I prayed this morning for the first time in a very long time. The combination of the Virginia Tech murders, and several other incidents in my personal life, has really had me craving the closeness that I once felt with God. It's almost as though I can feel Him moving in my life again. For the longest time, I haven't been able to feel Him at all. And I know how He can touch EVERY aspect of a person's life. Not just have an affect here and there, but not elsewhere. I'm sure that getting so far away from Him hasn't helped my weightloss efforts. So, for that, and several other reasons, I'm trying to get my relationship with Him back again.

My heart goes out to all the families of the ones touched by the Virginia Tech tragedy. I found a My Space page for one of the victims the other day. As I looked at the page, it truly reminded me that each life that was taken affected so many others. I mean, it makes common sense, but I find that sometimes when you deal with such high numbers of people being killed, the individual lives are somewhat glossed over with the numbers and the tragedy and the shock. Does that make any sense at all?? Maybe it's just me. I don't know. But I saw her face and I read about the kind of person she was and I read the comments left by family and friends. It just really brought home the depth of it all. And she was just one. There were 31 killed. It's just unfathomable.

I can't wrap my brain around how someone could even say an unkind word to someone, let alone point a gun and shoot people several times each. How can people be that way?? How can anyone have that much hate?

Anyway, that's another, bigger reason why I'm beginning to crave my relationship with God again.

Well, I'm going to go for now. I know I say this everytime...but I'm going to try to do a lot better about keeping this updated. It may not always be soly on weight loss, but that's ok.....It is after all, MY blog. ;-)

Bye for now.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Anybody miss me???

Man!! It's been a while since I've written. I don't know why I go so long without writing......I guess it's just a habit I really need to get into. I want to keep this updated, but sometimes I get slack.

Kinda with the diet thing. Haven't been totally bad, just not as good as I'd started out. And for now, I think I'm going to give up on counting calories. I just don't think it's going to happen. At least not right now anyway. Among others, I'm reading Body Clutter, by the FlyLady (not positive of her real name at the moment) and another lady. I'll find out the authors' names and post them in a future post. It's a really GOOD book. It talks about stuff that I thought only I coped with and it gives suggestions on how to deal with it and make it better. One of the things they suggest is "Babysteps." Just change one little aspect of whatever you're trying to change (in this instance it's "Body Clutter" ie: being overweight) at a time. I would highly recomend the book to anyone who is a real life woman with a real life life. It's really good and makes a lot of good common sense.

Anyway....I'm still watching what, when and how much I eat, trying to drink water and trying to excercise. Trying is the key word here. I'm definitely a work in progress.

Well, I know I haven't written much, but it's 11:40 pm and I'm sleepy. So I'm going to bed. I'll try to do better about writing more often. :-)

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

It's been a while...

....But I'm back. Kinda got off course for a while. Seems like Super Bowl, Valentine's Day and PMS all kinda worked together to just totally through me off track. But as of today, I'm back with it. I never really went off the diet, I just didn't keep up with calories, didn't excercise, didn't drink water and splurged a bit too much from time to time. So I didn't totally give up, I just didn't do so well.

Today was our second weigh in day for our school's "Biggest Loser." I'm down 0.4 pounds. Not anywhere near what it should be, but given the circumstances, I'm just overjoyed that I didn't gain. I would have been happy just maintaining, but the fact that I lost.....I'm really happy!

So today I start counting calories again.

Lunch: Wendy's Taco Salad (440 cals)
Regular Ranch (100 cals)
2 sour creams (90 cals)

Actually, I didn't eat all that. I left about a third of the salad. I've noticed that I'm filling up quicker now than I used to. :-)

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

I've gotten slack!

I just looked back and my last post was a week ago yesterday. What happened to counting calories and being accountable everyday?? I don't know, but I need to start back again.

We had a second weigh-in for my school's version of "The Biggest Loser," and in two weeks time I've lost 4.4 pounds. So I must be doing something right. Either that or I was wearing much lighter clothing yesterday than I was the first day I weighed. :-) I don't feel like I've done all that great. Especially last week. I just got so slack in every area. And boy oh boy!! Superbowl Sunday night...... I ate and ate and ate all the wrong things, but it was so good. We had some friends over and we played dominoes and ate pizza and chile and chips and dip and all kinds of stuff while we watched the game. It was fun and I had a blast, but it wasn't good for my diet. Oh and by the way...when I mention "diet" on here, please know that I'm considering it a lifestyle change and a new way of eating, but "diet" is much easier and shorter to say. I know a lot of nutrition minded people don't like the word "diet" but as I said, it's just easier.

I'm still having issues with eating enough. I posted yesterday on Storknet and got a lot of encouragement and good advice there. I'm going to post here what I wrote and some of the replies I received. I would post it all, but that would be a lot of stuff. So, I'll include the parts that seemed to help me the most and hope that no one who replied back to me there, reads this and becomes offended if they don't see their response. If I don't include something here that was written there, it's not because I didn't appreciate it (because I DID and do appreciate everyone over there), it's just that there was some repeated info. So anyway, here is my original post with a few of the replies:

My obsession in life right now is losing weight. I know you're supposed to have a certain amount of calories in your diet a day to keep from going in starvation mode. But my problem is, I don't eat ENOUGH. I'm just not hungry. I don't eat breakfast (which I know is a no-no and I'm trying to work on it). My lunches and dinners are always very small. Yesterday all I had until supper were two apples. I'm just not hungry. About three weeks ago I did really good. I brought in bananas and peanut butter and crackers and I grazed all day (or at least tried to). I know they say that's what you should do: have 5-6 small meals instead of 3 big ones. But I have a really hard time eating when I'm not hungry. Yesterday it was so bad that if I thought about food, I'd almost get nauseaus (sp?). I'm not sick, as this is the way I've been for a very long time now. I'm not a thirsty person either. Never have been. So I know I stay in a constant state of dehydration, because I don't drink the ammount of water (or anything else) that I should.Any ideas or tips on what I can/should do to change? I hate forcing myself to eat b/c it feels very counter productive to weightloss, not to mention it's just a pain in the butt. But I guess that's what I'm going to HAVE to do isn't it? I've GOT to start drinking more and getting my calorie count up. I just don't know how. I once heard someone say you have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. So I guess I'm a special kind of stupid...I forget to eat and drink all the time. lol

In my opinion the whole starvation mode is overblown. The calorie low is supposed to be 1200 but if you don't get them every single day your weight loss isn't quickly going to shut down, 1200 is a general rule. The bigger issue is that you're not getting enough nutrients. Also, calorie intake can be figured out over a period of three days or a week as opposed to 1200 every day. ~"Viketory"

First off, you are NOT a special kind of stupid. Banish that thought. It does take some planning to eat like you should. Do you have a target number you are trying to reach a day? I can sympathize with the dehydration bit because I don't drink enough, either. I try not to view what I eat as a weight loss or diet effort but rather as a lifestyle adjustment that will make me healthier. That way I'm not deprived, and slip-ups aren't an excuse to give up altogether. Short of planning what you eat, I don't know of any way to make that easier. It does get easier with time. If you've been eating too little for a long time, that will make your stomach unable to easily accomodate more and that's probably why you feel sick. Little meals is still the way to go. If you only eat little meals, then try to make them a high quality protein and a complex carbohydrate. If you can't eat a lot, then make the protein a little higher in calories than you normally would, just be sure it's high quality, low fat, and non trans fat (I was thinking about peanut butter here--which is an excellent easy way to get extra calories--providing it's natural peanut butter so you're not consuming trans fats....).Your plan of three weeks ago was a good might add whole wheat crackers...some cheese if you eat it, some meats (if you don't care for packaged lunchmeats, buy quality deli meat or get precooked chicken breast)........It's all little steps. Make small goals, even if it's just that you will eat four balanced meals a day--they don't have to be huge, just make them count. If that doesn't work for you, then I suggest you see your dr. and ask for help--a referral to a nutrionist/registered dietician couldn't hurt and they could give you specific direction. ~"RLB"

I attended a nutrition class the other day and I just want to mention how important breakfast is and how it does impact on that starvation mode. Your metabolism is like a furnace and for it to be able to burn/work it needs to things. It needs fuel (food) and it needs oxygen (exercise). Without the two it is liked a banked fire that doesn't really do much but keep the chill off and sit there ready to burn. So when you get up in the morning, your fire has been banked all night. Not doing much at all. For it to really start to burn, it needs to have fuel added. So you need to eat. Not eating breakfast is one of the easiest and quickest ways to put your body into starvation mode until you do eat... And for most people it is lunch. As for not eating enough. I would be more concerned about what you are eating right now rather than the actual caloric intake. If you are only eating two apples per day you are not getting nearly enough of the nutrients that your body needs to stay healthy. Your body will eventually stop burning fat if the low caloric intake is a constant. But it will take a while to get there. It won't happen in a day or two, and maybe not even in a month. But it will eventually happen. Yes forcing yourself to eat is counterproductive and will probably force you into a mindset about food that isn't healthy. So if I were in your situation I would probably sit down the night before and set out all that you plan to eat the next day and make it my goal to consume that amount of food. And try to add some milk into that as well. It has good calories and is full of healthy nutrients. Sorry about the breakfast lecture... I have actually lost 10lbs since I started eating breakfast every day. ~"Paige"

The nutritionist at ******* in *********** told me that no normal sized adult woman should ever go under 1200 calories per day. Your body needs those calories to function in every way. You may not go into starvation mode right away but you will begin to feel sapped of energy which will make you less likely to exercise which is needed for the weightloss you desire.I know when you start eating healthy it can be hard to reach the 1200 calorie mark. You could eat fruit and veggies all day and never get there. The trick is to find some healthy high calorie snacks. Take raw almonds for example. They are very good for you and they are 10 calories EACH. Eat a handful of 20 almonds and you have eaten 200 calories that are protien filled and rich in omega oils to boot. Raw walnuts are another good choice. Don't eat your apple alone. Add a small piece of cheese or a tablespoon of natural peanut butter. Make some ranch dip using plain yogurt or low fat sour cream and dip your veggies in it to add a few extra calories. Brown rice is great for you and high in calories. Eat an avacado. Very high in calories and SO good for you as far as Omegas go. Make what you eat count. Good luck to you. ~"My_Boy's_Mom"

To all the ladies you replied back to me yesterday, Thank You very much!!!! I appreciate you all very, very much.


Back to keeping track of eating and excercise.

Breakfast: One small apple

Lunch: Smart Ones - Mandarin Chicken

Snack: 2Tbsp peanutbutter (190 cals)

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

CHD Awareness

Please allow me a non weightloss focussed entry. In 2002, I was pregnant at the same time as a very dear friend of mine. Within three months of each other we shared the joy of discovering we were pregnant, first doctor appointments, and the sensations of our beautiful girls moving within us. Tragically, my little girl was born still. I didn't think there could be a greater loss. Then a few months later, my friend delivered her little girl. However, her sweet angel was born with a heart defect. This family had to live through their little girl's fight for life. My heart broke again when I heard the news that baby Allison lost her fight on August 13, 2002. So my friend, Alexis, has been trying to build awareness for Congenital Heart Defects ever since. February is CHD Awareness month. I'm going to post Alexis post from her blog here in hopes that the few that read my blog will remember, be aware, and hug their own children a little tighter, and be so very thankful for the blessings that we have.

You're in my heart and prayers Alexis!! Allison will NEVER be forgotten!! :hugs:


The blahs. I've got 'em. Don't know why really, other than the fact that I feel like I'm not ever going to get this weightloss thing right. I'll either do really well eating and not do well with water and excercise, or I'll do well in the excercise department and not the other two, or do really well drinking water and not in the other areas. I haven't kept track of my calorie intake in I can't tell you how long. I'm conscious of what I'm eating and when and all that, but that's it. I fallen down on the job of writing it down and keeping up with it. I've had cravings for Coke floats that would kill. So I gave in. Saturday and Sunday night I had a Diet Pepsi float. Does it count that I used a DIET soda???? Probably not. Haven't excercised or drank water in a very long time. I just feel like such a failure. I feel like giving up, but I'm not going to. I'll keep trying. I've adopted the song UNWRITTEN by Natasha Bedingfield as my "theme song." I'm going to try to copy and paste the lyrics here. It just helps me remember that I can always start over again and each day is a brand new day. I played that song for myself this morning, hoping it would help, but it didn't. I've still got these blahs. I can't get rid of them. I'm already failing today. I've been up for over three hours now and still haven't had breakfast.

See that's the thing. I never thought it'd be so dang complicated. If I could cut back on what I'd eat, then it wouldn't be so hard. But this whole deal of not eating ENOUGH and trying to get more of the RIGHT calories in per day..... It's just more complicated than I thought it would be. I never expected it to be easy, but it's just an all consuming worry ALL the time. Am I eating enough? Am I eating the right thing? Should I be eating something different or more healthy? I need to excercise. I need to drink water. It just seems like a never ending stream of thoughts reminding me I'm not doing everything right. I'm tired of it all. But I can't quit. I can't. I've got to do this. Not just for myself, but for Austin. He deserves a healthy mom. I've GOT to do this. But sometimes I'm soooo afraid it's just never going to happen. Ever. How do I keep those fears at bay? I'm not sure there is a way. Anyway..... I'm going to try to paste those lyrics now.

Unwritten lyrics
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Yay! It's Friday!!

I am soooo happy it's Friday!!! You just don't know!!!!! I've got so much junk that I need to do, but just can't get focussed enough to do it! I can't wait til 3:00!!

Anyway....Shame on me! I didn't keep track of what I ate yesterday. I didn't do too bad though, I don't think. I didn't eat breakfast. And as usual, I didn't eat enough in general. Didn't drink enough H2O. But I did excercise. Thirty minutes on the bike. Not great, but not bad either.

Today, I bought myself and my office mate a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit from Bojangles. I had half a sub on whole wheat from Subway for lunch. It was a roast beef sub with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, olives, oil/vinegar and mustard. NO mayonaise. I was good. I love mayo, but didn't have it. :-)

No water so far today. But remember when I said I was going to try drinking at the top of the hour? Well it works when I remember to do it. lol

Our school nurse is on my school's Biggest Loser team. She told me the other day to eat a big breakfast, a smaller lunch and a tiny supper. That way it gives your body a chance to burn the largest amount of consumed calories earlier on in the day. Makes sense to me.

I know this has been a choppy entry, but really didn't have much to write about this time, but wanted to write something since I didn't write at all yesterday.

Here's hoping for a WONDERFUL weekend!!