Thursday, April 19, 2007

Hello again!

You know.... I got to thinking yesterday that it's been forever since I made an entry here and it just so happens that my parenting message board posted a topic about blogs: who has them and who reads them. It was another vivid reminder that I hadn't visited here in a long time.

The weightloss journey??? Eh! I haven't been hitting it as hard as I should. Actually, I've been very blahzey (sp?) about it to be honest. The best I can say is that I've been mindful of what and when I'm eating. That's it! Mindful. Meaning, I've thought about how bad it is that I'm pigging out on ice cream at 10:00 at night and I've thought about how outrageous my portions have been at meal time. I know it's bad, but for whatever reason, when I'm in the act of eating, I don't really care. I've lost my motivation I guess. I still want to lose weight, but I want the magic weight loss wand that I can wave and lose 100 lbs. on the spot. I know. Such a thing doesn't exist, but I sure do wish it did.

My ADD doesn't help matters. A friend of mine has helped me see that, that is a big part of my problem. Life happens and when it does, I get distracted and off track and it's so hard to pull myself back in. I know I need to get over that and learn some strategies to overcome that, but how do you do that? How do you break habits that have been a part of your life for years?? They're more than habits now. They're more like a part of me, part of who I am. Not bragging...actually I'm quite ashamed of it....but it's the cold truth. I'm going to have to figure it out though, because I am still just as serious now as I was at the first entry of this blog, that I DO want to lose all this weight!!! I'm just not sure how or IF I can. I guess as the theme of this blog has always been......One day at a time.

I'm thinking if I can get back on the right track with God, that would definitely help. Yes, I've gotten off the narrow path. I've done some things that I'm not proud of. I've quit going to church on a regular basis and I've quit praying. I prayed this morning for the first time in a very long time. The combination of the Virginia Tech murders, and several other incidents in my personal life, has really had me craving the closeness that I once felt with God. It's almost as though I can feel Him moving in my life again. For the longest time, I haven't been able to feel Him at all. And I know how He can touch EVERY aspect of a person's life. Not just have an affect here and there, but not elsewhere. I'm sure that getting so far away from Him hasn't helped my weightloss efforts. So, for that, and several other reasons, I'm trying to get my relationship with Him back again.

My heart goes out to all the families of the ones touched by the Virginia Tech tragedy. I found a My Space page for one of the victims the other day. As I looked at the page, it truly reminded me that each life that was taken affected so many others. I mean, it makes common sense, but I find that sometimes when you deal with such high numbers of people being killed, the individual lives are somewhat glossed over with the numbers and the tragedy and the shock. Does that make any sense at all?? Maybe it's just me. I don't know. But I saw her face and I read about the kind of person she was and I read the comments left by family and friends. It just really brought home the depth of it all. And she was just one. There were 31 killed. It's just unfathomable.

I can't wrap my brain around how someone could even say an unkind word to someone, let alone point a gun and shoot people several times each. How can people be that way?? How can anyone have that much hate?

Anyway, that's another, bigger reason why I'm beginning to crave my relationship with God again.

Well, I'm going to go for now. I know I say this everytime...but I'm going to try to do a lot better about keeping this updated. It may not always be soly on weight loss, but that's ok.....It is after all, MY blog. ;-)

Bye for now.